I often write “notes to self” to let myself know that I am important and worthy of receiving all the love I owe to me, myself and my soul. And here’s one such note, I wished the world should read everyday.
Dear Self,
I will not lie to you. I know you have been going through anything and everything and you have been with me when I needed you. But I know I have given you endless, irreparable damage and you may have broken into million pieces of distrust, despair, hopelessness and agony. I know your hope is dying, your mind has stopped thinking and your heart is crying. I know you are mentally broken and your mental health is not okay. It is okay to be shattered in pieces sometimes. It is okay to play songs that you hate in the middle of the night. It is okay to break yourself into million pieces of hopelessness because until you don’t break, you will not bloom again. I want to promise that I will hold you close to myself when everything seems like nothing to you. I will allow you to twinkle like a star in the night sky. I know I am nothing without and you are nothing without. I know individually we are not strong enough and can be defeated. But when you and I are together, and when you hold me as me and I hold you as you, and we entwine ourselves with one another, then no power, no universe, no energy can let us down.
I want to promise that I do not want to tag you or give you titles such as “beautiful” or “winsome”. I will never name you with words such as “Ugly”or “Gruesome”, because I know all this maybe opposite of who you are. You maybe a revolution in a book that they will never read. You maybe a verse in Homer’s “Iliad” that they will ignore. You maybe a fire burning in the Pacific Ocean, which they will never see because you know that they will not love your temper to transform a rule book they live with. They will try to make you love lilies when you actually love roses, they will try to make you love pink when you actually love black. Remember, the world is an inverse mirror, showing you images that will break you and inspire you to bury those broken fragments of love you have within you. But, you never have to fade in like a shooting star. You need time to detoxify and relax. You need a pause like a pause in a sentence that has reached its conclusion. Your failures aren’t full stops, they are pauses, the same pauses that will lead you to where you actually belong. You will eventually reach your new beginning because every ending defines a new beginning.
Remember that even if your thighs jiggle when you wear a skirt, you look beautiful because you have a beautiful soul. My dear self (my body), you were never a problem. There is nothing wrong with you size, your curves, your scars, your flaws, your stretch marks or you yourself. You do not have to fit yourself in frames that they build for you. You are not too fat, you are not too skinny. You are not too dark, you are not too fair. You are not too ugly. This body has carried around your soul whole you life no matter whatever came before you- you had to pee in public washrooms, you had to wear a fishnet stocking, you had to deal colds, flu, broken heart, fever, skin allergies and you body stood by you. All these years, you have been morphing yourself according to the standards they set for you but you need to talk and start accepting yourself and then you will see the wonders. My dear body, you are not bound to anyone around you. You have been criticizing yourself for years and it has not worked. Try approving of yourself and see the magic that happens. My dear body, I am sorry, I treated you this way, I called you names that you don’t deserve, I want to promise that I will take care of you and promise to be better in accepting you.
Sincerely and Lovingly,
Me to myself.
